Under Alien Skies 6, What Passes for Normal
by Alec Star
Summary: SG1 finally goes back to work but things don't quite turn out like they had been expecting them to. This story is a sequel to 'Under Alien Skies, Propagation'.
1. Chapter 1: A Milk Run Gone Sour

**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own the concepts, I don't own the characters, I make no money, I make no sense and I get no sleep, though on a positive note I absolutely love feedback (in other words, please review).

**_Warning_**: this story is a sequel to **_Under Alien Skies - Propagation_**, if you've read that story you know what this is about, if you haven't this probably won't make much sense. You should also be warned that this story deals with adult issues up to and including rape.

**_Timeline_**: this takes place roughly three weeks after **_Propagation_** and makes reference to the episode '_Enigma_'.

**_Note about the series_**: while this is the sixth story in this universe, the only one that is pretty much a must read in order to follow this one is **_Propagation_**.

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**_Under Alien Skies - What Passes for Normal_**  
Chapter 1: A Milk Run Gone Sour  
(Jack's POV)

Could someone please tell me how on earth a mission that was supposed to be nothing but a damned milk run to help us get back in the rhythm of things turned into such a freaking mess? I mean, there are some missions we all know can easily lead to a court martial, of course, but the bottom line is that this wasn't supposed to be one of them and yet here we are, praying that the Nox will contact us in time to get the Tollan out of here in one piece, hiding behind Daniel's civilian status and hoping that the whole thing won't blow up in all our faces. The good news, however, is that --if this whole mess is anything to go by-- then SG-1 is really back.

That is definitely reassuring, especially after the hell of these past few weeks, though I can't deny that I'm still more than a little worried.

Sure, Carter has handled this whole thing like a trooper up until now and I'm really proud of her, but the fact that this 'Narim' character has taken such a liking to her is making me more than a little nervous. As far as I'm concerned she doesn't need any of this crap right now and more than once I've been tempted to tell him to stay the hell away from my 2IC. Unfortunately I don't think Carter would have appreciated it if I had done just that, not to mention that, even before the NID got involved, the general had already been ordered by the higher ups to use whatever means he had at his disposal to get as much information out of the Tollans as he possibly could and in that regard Carter was his most valuable resource so he probably would have skinned me alive.

I mean, Narim seems like an okay guy --even if he is a little uptight-- but that doesn't matter. Right now I'm more than a little wary of any alien who expresses an interest in Carter and --even though the Tollan are pretty much the opposite of the Shavadai-- I will feel a lot better once their alien butts are far, far from our planet... preferably on the other side of the galaxy kind of far. Sure, going by what we know about these people chances are he won't hurt her, at least not deliberately, but I'm not stupid enough not to realize that, even though she seems to be holding herself together just fine, right now this guy could easily do a number on her and --to make matters worse-- he is totally unaware of that fact.

That is not a good place to be and for the past few days I have been unable to do anything but watch as this potential train-wreck played out right in front of my eyes. Of course, the fact that Narim seems to be appealing to Carter's not-so-inner geek has enabled her to feel reasonably safe with him but I still don't like it, not one bit.

In addition to that, the fact that we got caught between the alien and the NID is not exactly helping matters here. I mean, of all the stupid things our beloved 'intelligence' division could possibly have come up with, trying to enslave the Tollan in a gilded cage is probably a new record, but then again they are stuck with their big fish mentality and there is no way we are going to get them to understand that we've been transferred to a new pond, one in which we barely qualify as small fry, one in which there are plenty of fish who are perfectly capable of swallowing us whole... starting with the Tollan.

I can't help but shake my head at that. Sometimes I wonder what it would take for some of these people to learn but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I **_really_** don't want to know... especially because I get the funny feeling that the whole world could easily end up paying for their stupidity. We already had one close call courtesy of the Secretary of Defense when we first ran into the Nox and the truth is that I'm not looking forward to a repeat performance.

Of course, there is no denying that this whole thing is more than a little funny. I mean, we told the Nox to bury their stargate, thinking that they would be unable to defend themselves, and yet here we are, hoping that they will make it in time like the cavalry to rescue the Tollan from the clutches of our own government, thus proving once and for all that they were absolutely right **_not_** to trust us.

I mean, I'm no diplomat --that's for sure-- but even **_I_** can tell that we were given a wonderful opportunity here to help the Tollan, an opportunity to prove that we could actually be trusted and thus establish some sort of contact with them. Unfortunately the moment the higher ups got involved that opportunity was lost thanks to their unbelievable shortsightedness. Sure, keeping the Tollan under lock and key probably **_sounded_** like an option to them, a bird in hand kind of deal and all that jazz, but that theory held only until you realized that they were unlikely to cooperate and that sooner or later their people were bound to come looking for them... and that when that happened we would really, **_really_** be in trouble.

I'm still thinking about that, and feeling utterly powerless as I watch Daniel doing everything in his power to get these people out of here, when suddenly the stargate engages and I can barely contain a sigh of relief when Lya steps through it... especially because Lya is **_not_** Anteaus. Sure, I know we are still not home free but at least we are on the home stretch, Maybourne is furious and Narim is hopefully on his way home. In other words, everything is just like it should be.

Now if only all of our problems could be solved this easily.


	2. Chapter 2: A Kiss Is Just a Kiss?

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1._**

Chapter 2: A Kiss Is Just a Kiss?  
(Daniel's POV)

Okay, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I walked in on Sam kissing Narim --or Narim kissing Sam-- but right now I don't have time to worry about that. Of course, not worrying about it is easier said than done because the truth is that no matter how hard I try I just can't get that image out of my head. Let's face it, given what I've seen Sam going through in these past three weeks, it wasn't something I was expecting to see.

Sure, the fact that Narim seemed to be fascinated by her had been more than a little apparent almost from the moment he regained consciousness but I never expected to see Sam responding... and I don't think she did either. In fact, going by the looks on both their faces, I would guess that it was Narim who initiated the encounter and probably caught her off-guard in the process... not that by the time I walked in on them she wasn't an active participant. I guess now the question is whether Sam responded because she reacted instinctively or if it was because it was something she wanted to happen at some level. That and what was it that led them to that point in the first place, of course.

I know that, even though I've grown very close to Sam in these past few weeks --and even though I'm more than a little curious-- this is none of my business. Still, in spite of that, as I try to make some sort of sense out of this whole situation, I can't help but feel like this time around I got to the theater half way through the movie and that is frustrating the hell out of me. I've seen enough to know what's going on in general terms but I have no context in which to frame the plot and right now I'm wondering what is really going on here. I am also wondering what the fallout is going to be and if Sam was ready for this or if this is something that is likely to come back to haunt us. After all, there's no denying that after these past three weeks of forced downtime that is a troubling prospect, especially because this was our first mission and we really can't afford a setback right now... **_I_** can't afford a set back.

I know in a way that sounds incredibly selfish but I can't deny that there's a part of me that is just itching to go back out there. After all, while I understand **_why_** we had to slow down to give Sam a chance to recover --and I certainly don't begrudge her that time-- I can't forget that each day we spend here is a day we are not out there, fighting the Goa'uld and looking for Sha're. I may be worried about Sam but at the same time I can't quite bring myself to ignore the fact that every day we are grounded is one more day in which my wife remains a prisoner in her own body.

I mean, from a logical perspective I understand that right now Sam has to be our top priority --after all she is here, she is hurting and she is both my friend and a member of my team-- but that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up my search for Sha're, just like I know Jack won't be giving up on his quest to find Skaa'ra any time soon. In that regard I guess the most pressing question is whether what happened today between Sam and Narim was a step forward or a step back. Unfortunately that is also a question that is easier to ask than to answer, especially while we are here at the mountain and Sam is stuck in military mode so --whether I like it or not-- it will just have to wait a while.

The problem is that, no matter how I look at it, this is a mess. Sam is one of my closest friends and, seeing how I've had a front row seat to everything she's been going through in these past few weeks, I am all too aware of the fact that we still have a long way to go. Things are nowhere near normal yet and --even though being insanely overprotective is usually Jack's job-- I am painfully aware that this whole situation with Narim has suddenly caused the ice to get dangerously thin around here.

Sure, Sam seems to be doing fine so far and Narim seems to be extremely gentle with her but from what I've seen of the Tollan I don't think they even have a word for rape. That should be deeply reassuring but oddly enough it is part of the problem... a very **_big_** part. It means that --even though I don't doubt Narim's intentions-- there's no way he can even begin to understand just what it is that Sam's been going through, not even if she were to tell him about it, simply because he has no frame of reference. **_That_** is what makes him so incredibly dangerous.

It is also what makes me look forward to him being gone... something that is bound to happen, one way or another, in a matter of minutes.

That part, at least, is fairly simple. Either the Nox make it here on time or they don't. If they do then the Tollan will ride off into the stargate, never to return, if they don't then Maybourne will get them and that would present us with a different kind of problem because the fate that awaits them is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. That would make putting this whole incident behind us that much harder for all of us, but especially for Sam.

I'm not sure what she feels for Narim, in fact I'm not even sure **_she_** knows herself, and that is one of the many unanswered questions that make it all but impossible for me to even try to predict the outcome of this one. Still, in spite of that I do know that --regardless of everything else-- right now she isn't ready to handle anything more than a kiss, in fact in spite of what I saw I'm still not sure she was ready for as much as a kiss and **_that_** is the real problem.

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**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, first of all, sorry about the delay. I thought I **_had_** a couple of chapters headstart but last weekend as I was getting ready to post I ran into an unexpected plot hole that had to be patched in a hurry. I'll try to do better next week but unfortunately chapter three has also been affected. I am already working on it though and hopefully it will be done on time.

Thanks for your patience and once again sorry about the delay!

Alec


	3. Chapter 3: The Cat Is Out of the Bag

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 3: The Cat Is Out of the Bag  
(Sam's POV)

I watch as Narim disappears through the stargate, following Lya and taking Schroedinger with him and for a moment I can only think that Daniel is going to be deeply relieved by that fact. I know it's a ridiculous thought, I know there are other things I should be trying to sort out right now but I just can't do it... and the fact is that Daniel **_will_** be happy to see Schroedinger go, there's no denying that, though I know I will miss the little critter.

After all, Schroedinger had been with me since shortly after I broke up with Jonas. Back when I was working at the Pentagon he just walked into my house one day, made himself at home and refused to leave. At the time I was grateful for the company, for the fact that there was **_someone_** there to welcome me home after a long day but the truth is that in these past few months --ever since I joined SG-1-- caring for him had been difficult, not that he needed much looking after... unlike Jonas. In fact his presence only became a serious issue in these past three weeks and that was mostly because of Daniel's allergies. Sure, he never really said anything about it but I heard him sneezing his head off more than once... and the fact that Schroedinger had taken a liking to him and loved nothing better than to curl up on his lap didn't exactly help matters.

Well, he is gone now and I've been left with an odd device in his place, one I know I should be turning over to Maybourne but I can't quite bring myself to do it. That would be too much like a betrayal, not to mention that the feelings contained in it are personal... and could easily be used against me.

Of course, that is only part of the reason why I'm so reluctant to turn it over... a very small part. The fact is that an emotional recorder is something I had never even imagined could possibly exist and I would really love to have a chance to try to figure out how it does what it does. The problem is that I don't have the knowledge to even begin to reverse engineer the Tollans' technology, no one here on earth does... and maybe that's a good thing. I mean, Narim gave me that recorder as a personal gift but even now I am mentally going over its potential military uses and even though I'm fairly certain that there's nothing in it that could possibly be weaponized --I don't think Narim would have given it to me otherwise-- there is no denying that such a thing could easily be turned into an incredibly effective interrogation device, one far more reliable than a simple polygraph could ever hope to be.

In a way that thought is enough to remind me of the difference between ourselves and the Tollans... and to make me realize how much I've changed in the months since I first went to Abydos. Back then I would never have dreamed of betraying the military by keeping something like Narim's gift to myself, I would never have hesitated before doing my 'duty' and handing it over. I had been trained to follow orders, not question them, but somehow in these past eight months I've been forced to grow up. I've had no choice.

Since I joined SG-1 I've seen what's out there and I've come to realize just how far out of our depth we really are. I've also learned that sometimes the best thing we can do is to look the other way. That was not, however, an easy lesson for me to learn.

I remember how in our first couple of missions I used to cringe whenever the colonel **_suggested_** that some incidents be kept out of our reports. That reluctance, however, didn't last long. In fact it only lasted until Simarka, when I chose to keep something out of mine to save my own neck, though at least there I could argue that my silence didn't affect anyone but myself... and then came the Nox. I think that was when I finally began to understand **_why_** the colonel was so adamant about the need to keep some things quiet.

In that regard I have to admit that up to that point I was probably more than a little naive. For the most part I did what I was told when I was told and trusted the higher ups to make the right decisions. That was what was expected of me but the colonel --with his black-ops background and his intimate knowledge of the darker side of the military-- already knew what kind of decisions those higher ups were likely to make and he knew that there was some information that was best kept out of their reach. He assessed the situation and found it to be too dangerous... after all, if someone knows what the consequences of allowing children to play with loaded guns can be it is precisely Colonel O'Neill.

In a way it is kind of ironic that it was precisely the Nox, the same race we turned to to keep the Tollans safe, that first described us as 'young'. Well, if Lya's words are anything to go by then hopefully they will take this incident to be a sign that --even if we **_are_** young-- we can learn... of course, Maybourne's attitude probably did very little to cement that particular image.

On the other hand, I think it is safe to assume that he succeeded in convincing the Tollans that we are ripe to become another Sureeta... or that at least our government is.

That was, after all, Omoc's greatest fear, and I can't honestly say that that fear is totally unfounded, though there's no denying that we **_wouldn't_** have required their help to annihilate ourselves if we had really wanted to. We already have the means to do that, though luckily we've managed to remain tethering on the brink for a pretty long time. Would the Tollans' technology have pushed us over? I'd like to think that the answer to that question would be no but the truth is that, just in case I'm mistaken, I'd rather not find out.

What I have learned, however, is that I can't trust the military to uphold the principles and values it is supposed to protect.

That is something that became painfully obvious a few hours ago, when the colonel tried to remind Maybourne that the Tollans had rights and Maybourne countered by asking under which nation's jurisdiction... and then the President sided with him. That was a major shock, a painful wake-up call, and it is also the part I'm still having a hard time trying to come to terms with.

Up until now we had always been able to count on the President to do the right thing but now I realize that that may not always be the case, that there may well be some instances in which the temptation will be too much for him to resist and **_that_** is the real danger here... especially because Jonas showed us what could happen if we were to give in to that temptation. He made us realize just how close to the Goa'uld we could come if some of the greedier and more power-hungry elements of our government were to take control of the stargate, if we were to try to portray ourselves as gods to attain our own ends.

Sure, that wasn't really an option in this particular instance, but the fact is that the Tollans are the first case in which we have encountered a human civilization that is technologically more advanced than we are. They are the exception in that regard, not the norm, and while in this particular case what had Maybourne salivating was the thought of getting his hands on some advanced weapons and technology, there may well be other instances in which the lure will be a less developed planet's natural resources. 

In a way that has already happened but up until now those instances have been always handled by negotiating treaties and so on but what will the higher ups do when one of those worlds says 'no'? I'd like to think that as long as General Hammond is in charge of the SGC that won't really be a problem but the bottom line is that there are quite a few people who can override his decisions --as was the case when it came to the Tollans-- not to mention that sooner or later he is bound to retire. When that happens the SGC could easily find itself with someone like Maybourne at the helm. That is far from a comforting thought but it is an eventuality we should probably contemplate.

Of course, there's also the fact that, as uncomfortable as that scenario is to contemplate, it is still nowhere near as disturbing as the thoughts I'm currently trying to avoid, the ones that leave me with no choice but to think about what happened a few minutes ago with Narim.

**_That_** is something I'm pretty sure I'm still not ready to tackle.


	4. Chapter 4: Whose Life Is It Anyway?

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 4: Whose Life Is It Anyway?  
(Sam's POV)

The good news is that so far Daniel hasn't really said anything about what happened earlier today... the bad news is that he is not even trying to disguise the fact that he is waiting for me to bring it up and if there's one thing I've learned the hard way in these past three weeks it is precisely how determined he can be.

The problem is that I don't know what to say, in fact I'm not even sure what I think. I do remember, however, being invaded by Narim's feelings for me. That was totally unexpected and more than a little overwhelming but at the same time it was nowhere near as scary as I was expecting it to be... or rather it was nowhere near as terrifying as I would have expected it to be if I had ever imagined that I was about to get to experience his feelings for me first hand. There is no denying, however, that it was the element of surprise that kept me from bolting. Luckily while his device had recorded **_his_** feelings for me, it hadn't recorded mine. **_That_** would have been worse, much worse... just like my current predicament would have been much worse if the one walking in on us had been Janet instead of Daniel.

That little reprieve has bought me a bit of time but nowhere near as much as I would have liked. After all, I've been dealing with them long enough to know that if I don't talk to Daniel 'voluntarily', sooner rather than later he will ask Janet for advice. That is the risk I can't afford to take because if her little stunt with that movie a few days ago taught me anything it is that Janet is not afraid to push it... not that I was expecting her to be. Besides, this is exactly what she was talking about back then and I **_really_** don't want to revisit that particular conversation.

In other words my choices are talk to Daniel now or talk to Janet later... and at least with Daniel I am fairly certain that he will not push past a certain point. That makes him the lesser evil, though that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it, far from it.

Besides, the fact that I do realize that I'm going to have no choice but to talk to Daniel doesn't mean that my original problem is about to magically disappear, nor does it mean that I suddenly know what am I supposed to say to him about any of this. I know I can trust him, that is not the problem, the problem is that there are some things I feel are personal, some things I don't feel comfortable sharing. Unfortunately I have several well-meaning friends who don't seem to realize that.

That is another subject I'm going to have to bring up sooner or later. I **_think_** they will understand, or at least I hope they will, but at the same time I don't want to sound ungrateful. They have been great in these past few weeks and I certainly don't want Daniel to feel rejected but it **_is_** my life and I'm not a child. I don't need to have someone second-guessing my every action. That is the part they tend to forget sometimes in their attempt to fix what's not broken... or at least what I don't think is broken.

The problem is that that isn't always quite so easy to tell and sometimes I can't help but wonder if the others are seeing something I'm not.

I know that for the most part I am doing fairly well. I can function and I don't have any major problems. Sure, there is the odd nightmare every now and then but I don't want to blow that out of proportion... and I also know that, with or without nightmares, I have to move on with my life. The thing is that, just like Janet told me, the first eighty percent is easy enough to overcome, the real problem is that final twenty percent... and to make matters worse there's also the fact that reliable references are hard to come by because in that regard the past just won't do.

Sure, wanting to go back to the way things were sounds logical enough but it is not realistic. I can't go back to where I was. What I have to do is to figure out a way to get from where I am to where I'm going and the bottom line is that life would be so much easier if it came with a roadmap.

What happened on Simarka happened. I can't deny it. It is a part of my past and it will always be a part of my past. Whether I like it or not, it will always be there and I have already come to terms with that fact. The question is what am I supposed to do going forward... that's the part I sometimes fear is getting lost in the shuffle, especially because everyone seems to be determined to focus on the past.

The problem is that I know things can never go back to the way they were before that mission, just like they never went back to the way they were before my mom died in that accident. In fact even less relevant events, such as my relationship with Jonas, have left their mark. That is what makes this whole thing so tricky.

Of course, another question I'm going to have to deal with is whether or not what happened earlier today with Narim qualifies as going forward at all.

It wasn't a step back, that is for sure, and in a way it did kind of address one of Janet's concerns so that was probably a good thing. If nothing else at least it is one more hurdle I can honestly say is behind me. Unfortunately, even though I'm confident that it wasn't a step back, that does not necessarily mean it was a step forward and in that regard I suspect it may well have been a side step more than anything else.

It was a surprise but, even as it was happening I knew it was never going to be more than a kiss, something I admit made the whole thing easier for me to handle. I could respond confident that the kiss was not going to be followed by anything else, that that was as far as things would ever go between us. That is not a safety net I'm ever likely to find again... and there was also something about Narim that made it easy for me to trust him.

I think it had something to do with the way in which he carried himself. There was no trace of a warrior or a soldier in him and that was deeply reassuring. In fact there wasn't even an attempt to establish some sort of dominance when he kissed me. In that regard he was the total opposite from Turghan... or most men here on earth for that matter.

Of course, that doesn't mean that --even if we could somehow remove all the obstacles that stand between us-- I could possibly picture myself being in a real relationship with him. I can't, though I'm not sure whether that is a consequence of what happened on Simarka or if it is just that Narim isn't really my type.

Sure, he is nice enough but I'm not sure we could ever connect on that level, not really... besides, I have to admit that --even though there was nothing threatening in his behavior-- the way he kept looking at me whenever we were together did make me more than a little nervous.


	5. Chapter 5: Monkey See, Monkey Do

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 5: Monkey See, Monkey Do  
(Daniel's POV)

Okay, I **_think_** we are just about out of subjects we can safely explore without mentioning what happened earlier today between Sam and Narim. The thing is that while I don't want to push Sam too hard I do realize that putting this off won't really help matters. Of course, at the same time I can also relate to the reasons why she is trying so hard to avoid this particular conversation.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

"Want? Not really," she says, glaring at me.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, you mean that we are going to talk about it whether I want to or not but I still don't know what to say. It was unexpected to say the least," she explains.

"I figured that much."

"It wasn't bad, it was just that..." she trails off.

"Just that what?" I prod.

"Just that I don't know how I feel about any of it. I know you got there for the end of it but..."

"But what?" I push, again.

"Before he kissed me Narim gave me something... a Tollan device I know I should have turned over to Maybourne but I didn't," she admits, not meeting my eyes.

"Okay, I'm afraid I still don't understand," I say, wondering what that device could possibly have been and what did it have to do with any of this.

"It was a sort of emotional recorder, for lack of a better term," she explains. "It showed me exactly what he felt for me and the truth is that the whole experience was kind of surreal."

"Surreal how?"

"Well, first of all there's the fact that experiencing someone else's feelings first hand can be a little disorienting. I don't know if that would have been the case for a Tollan as well or if the fact that such technology is commonplace in their world would mean that they can distance themselves from the whole experience and process the information in a more rational fashion but for me it was something I didn't really know how to deal with. The funny thing is that in a really twisted kind of way that device made it possible for me to understand the reaction the inhabitants of some planets we've visited have had to our use of video. I mean, we can understand what those images represent and we can understand that they depict something that happened earlier or something that is happening elsewhere, but for people who have lived all their lives without ever imagining that it is possible for reality to be reproduced by vivid, moving images, the whole experience may be all but impossible to conceptualize," she explains and I decide not to point out the fact that we are not talking about that while still trying to get this conversation back on track.

"In other words, you were given the opportunity to experience Narim's feelings for you and as a result you found out the hard way that you didn't exactly have the frame of reference necessary to successfully separate those feelings from your own?" I ask.

"Something like that," she admits. "They felt so real but at the same time I could tell that they weren't **_my_** feelings and on top of that I was having a very hard time trying to make some sort of sense out of them."

"What do you mean?"

"I could feel that Narim cared for me but I couldn't really tell if it was love or more of a crush. I think it was more of a crush but I had no way to be sure. Either way it felt good... I didn't feel threatened or anything like that. Sorry, it's just that it is hard for me to explain this," she says, shaking her head. "As I said, it was very different from anything I had ever experienced before and I didn't really know how to respond to any of it."

"And then he kissed you."

"Yes. It was tentative at first. I think Narim wasn't sure how I was going to respond. He explained to me that it was a custom from his world and then I told him that we do the same thing here. Then he kissed me again and that's when you walked in on us," she explains, obviously more than a little uncomfortable with the emotional aspects of this.

"Interesting to think that something as simple as a kiss may require an explanation," I say, realizing that Sam could probably use a distraction just about now and taking my cue from the fact that she seems to be determined to keep this one one hundred percent rational.

"Yes, but I still think it is almost universal. I mean, we do it and so do the Tollan and..." she trails off.

"And the people of Simarka?" I ask, knowing that it has to be said.

"Yes, but that was so different. In fact it was kind of a textbook example of how the same gesture can be used to convey two **_very_** different meanings."

"That's probably to be expected," I remind her. "I mean, let's face it, non-verbal communication can overcome the language barrier more often than not, I should know. After all, I may be a linguist but I've lost track of how many times I've found myself playing charades to try to get my point across... and I don't just mean off-world. Besides, when it comes to something as primal as kissing the truth is that we can't even trace the origin of that practice though it may well predate the emergence of homo sapiens as a species. I'm not talking about its specific cultural associations, of course, but the bottom line is that the physical gesture of kissing is remarkably similar to the grooming behavior observed in quite a few primates."

"And from that perspective it would probably make sense for such a universal gesture to be found on most other planets," she finishes for me.

"Exactly. In fact it is interesting that Narim would feel the need to explain that custom to you in the first place," I say.

"Why?"

"Because that would seem to suggest that --in spite of how technologically advanced the Tollan are-- they are unaware of just how universal that particular gesture happens to be, though maybe that is to be expected," I remind her before going on. "Sure, here on earth it is easy enough for us to trace its origins back to a time before our own species evolved and from there we can easily extrapolate that the practice is likely to be found on most planets inhabited by man because it is something that can almost be described as an instinctive behavior but the Tollan, for all their technology, probably have a huge gap when it comes to their own past. After all, they haven't exactly had access to our fossil record and much less have they had an opportunity to study other living primates that are evolutionarily related to them."

"Actually, up until I took him to the surface and he saw a bird, Narim had never even seen a live animal before," says Sam.

"In other words it is safe to say that the Tollan's isolation was probably much greater than we ever imagined?" I ask, realizing what that comment actually entails.

"Uh?"

"Well, they were obviously familiar with the workings of the stargate but the thing is that most of the worlds we've visited so far seem to have their own flora and fauna," I remind her. "That means that, if Narim had never even seen an animal before, then chances are his people had never really attempted to explore other worlds, or at least they hadn't done it in a very long time."

"And that also begs the question of how could they possibly have survived for as long as they did in such a broken ecosystem," adds Sam, the scientist in her suddenly coming to the forefront. "I mean, I hadn't really thought about it before but even if they could synthesize some form of nourishment, to inhabit a planet without plants would be virtually impossible."

"And if there are no animals, plants would soon become extinct as well," I finish for her.

"Pretty much," she agrees enthusiastically, the tension of the earlier part of our conversation obviously forgotten.


	6. Chapter 6: Dreams On A Broken World

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 6: Dreams On A Broken World  
(Sam's POV)

I am trying to wrap my mind around what this sudden realization actually entails even as I try to remind myself of the fact that this is not what this is all about. Yes, it's true that --at least going by what we know-- there are quite a few things in the Tollan's story that just don't make sense but for the time being there are other things that have to take precedence. that doesn't mean, of course, that I won't be trying to make some sort of sense out of it later.

The thing is that I **_know_** that for the past few hours I've been looking for every conceivable excuse to avoid thinking about what happened with Narim but the bottom line is that sooner or later I'm going to have no choice but to face it and --as unpleasant as it may be-- I might as well get it over with. Still, bringing the conversation back to the subject at hand is not an easy thing for me to do, especially when I have a way out that is easily within my reach. In fact even now Daniel **_isn't_** trying to force the conversation back to its original topic... so maybe it can wait a while, especially because I'd really like to understand this whole thing a little better.

"In other words, it is probably safe to assume that the Tollan's home world hasn't exactly met our definition of inhabitable for a very long time," he says.

"That's the thing, when the probe went through, shortly before we did, the atmosphere still read as mostly breathable but if the flora had been decimated that should have been impossible," I remind him.

"Maybe they had some means to maintain their atmosphere in spite of that fact," Daniel suggests.

"Perhaps, but the question is why bother. I mean, Narim told me that what doomed their world was the destruction of Sureeta. That's what caused the planet's orbit to shift in the first place and that didn't exactly sound like a recent event so, if that's what caused the destruction of their flora and fauna, that happened generations ago so why not evacuate back then? I mean they certainly had the technology to do so, so why wait until the last possible second?" I ask, not really expecting an answer but rather thinking out loud.

"I don't know, perhaps they thought that there might be some way for them to reverse the process, after all I don't think the Tollan were all that comfortable with the notion that there were some things that remained **_beyond_** the reach of their science."

"That is possible, I guess, but it's still not logical. If you have a readily available solution why go for one that is, at least for the time being, technically impossible?" I insist.

"Well, maybe it was because their culture was rooted on that world," says Daniel before going on. "Let's face it, even though here on earth humans have been dreaming about the possibility of traveling to other worlds for decades if not centuries the truth is that if you were to conduct a poll asking people if they'd be willing to leave this planet if they were given the opportunity to do so most of them wouldn't hesitate to say 'no'... and quite a few of them would say no regardless of what you promised them."

"The thing is that I'm not sure we are a valid reference for the Tollan," I remind him. "I mean, they didn't seem like they would let their emotions overrule their logic... especially not Omoc."

"Actually I'm not so sure about that."

"Why not?"

"You told me that Narim said that when he first saw you he thought you were an angel, right?"

"Well, he didn't exactly call me that. He said he thought I was a Sher'mau, but I think the concept was basically the same."

"Exactly. The thing is that that would seem to suggest that --for all their technology-- the Tollan still followed a set of beliefs that had been passed down to them through the generations, though the relevance of those beliefs may well have been minimal in terms of their everyday life. The point is that if those ancestral beliefs were somehow tied to their own home world..."

"Then that could possibly explain their decision to try to fight for that world until it was almost too late," I reluctantly agree, still far from convinced.

"It's weird to be on the other side, isn't it?" asks Daniel with a smile, out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that I think the Tollan see us as we see the inhabitants of other worlds... and we see them as they see us. I mean, sure, we realize they aren't gods, we understand they are merely more advanced than we are from a technological perspective and we can even accept that on a rational level but at the same time we can't even begin to comprehend how their technology works and that is making it hard for us to understand their society and their perspective. For instance, with the Shavadai we could see them and we could say that their culture was rooted in that of the Mongols and then we could try to make sense out of it from that perspective. In fact even with the Goa'uld, the Egyptian connection is immediately apparent but with the Tollan we just had no frame of reference and that was what made it so hard for us to understand them."

"In other words we can look back and understand where another civilization stands without too much trouble but when we are in a position of having to look forward and having to try to imagine where we will someday be we find the whole thing to be far more complicated?" I ask.

"Something like that," Daniel agrees. "I mean, we can understand that we are emotionally attached to our planet and we can understand that if we were ever to find ourselves in a position of having no choice but to leave it behind we would not consider that an easy decision to make, regardless of the circumstances, but at the same time we have a hard time accepting the fact that the Tollan may have faced a similar difficulty when it came to abandoning their own home world. Sure we can rationalize it by saying that our world was the cradle of mankind and that makes it special in our eyes but that doesn't mean that other cultures can't be as attached to their own home planets as we are."

Well, I guess that is probably as close to a reasonable explanation as I'm likely to find here on earth and --seeing how Narim is gone and I have no means to ask him about it-- it will just have to do. Besides, whether I like it or not, I think its time for me to steer this conversation back to its original topic... especially because I'd really like to get it over with once and for all.

* * *

**_Author's notes_**: Hi guys, okay I want to apologize for this chapter. This was no what I wanted to write but the thing was that when I was watching 'Enigma' again I couldn't help but feel that the plot holes were just too glaring for Sam and Daniel not to notice them sooner or later so I decided to try to patch them as best I could. Hopefully things will go better next week.

Thanks for sticking with me though. I definitely appreciate it,

Alec


	7. Chapter 7: The Meaningful Meaning of

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 7: The Meaningful Meaning of Meaningless  
(Daniel's POV)

I can almost see Sam steeling herself and I realize that she's finally made up her mind to stop beating around the bush. That is most definitely a good thing, though I'm not denying that trying to figure out the Tollan's perspective has been fun... especially because for me the Tollan represent something I never thought I would have: an opportunity to study a human civilization with roots that are not so much in our past as in our possible future. Still, there will be time for that later.

"So, are you ready to talk about it?" I ask.

"Sort of."

"What is it?"

"It's just that I'm really glad the whole thing is behind me. I know it sounds silly but I feel like it's one more item I can cross off my mental check list, my first kiss after what happened with Turghan, but at the same time I don't really know what it means or even whether or not it means anything. It's like... I don't know," she says, shaking her head in frustration and this time around I really can't help her because I'm not sure I understand what she's trying to say either.

"I'm afraid I'm not following you," I admit.

"The kiss, it didn't mean anything. Yes, I wasn't scared or anything like that and that was a major relief but other than that..." she trails off again.

"Other than that it was just a kiss?"

"Pretty much. As I said, I know it's silly but there was no real emotion behind it, not on my part anyway."

"So we don't have to worry about the possibility of you giving up your place in SG-1 to follow Narim to the other end of the galaxy... literally?" I ask, trying to keep the mood light.

"No, that is definitely not something you should be worried about."

"Good, so let me ask you something. If Simarka hadn't happened, would you have handled things differently, would that have changed anything in the way you dealt with Narim?"

"Not really, at least not this time around," she says.

"Well, then I have to say that that is definitely a big step forward."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Simarka is no longer controlling everything you do and that's a good thing," I point out.

"I guess, though I hadn't really thought about it in those terms. It's just that I've been trying so hard to hold on to my life these past few months, to keep it from spinning totally out of control, that..."

"That to realize that you don't **_have_** to hold on because your life is not going anywhere no matter **_what_** you do comes as a bit of a shock?" I finish for her.

"Something like that... though it's not that simple."

"Why not?"

"Because in a way I don't feel like I'm ready. It's like I can function for the most part and I can be me so I don't have to be on guard 24/7 but at the same time I'm afraid to let my guard down because I don't know what's going to trigger a memory when I can least afford it and that's driving me crazy."'

"Okay, **_that_** I think I understand."

"You do?" asks Sam, sounding rather surprised.

"Well, sort of. I mean, I know it's not the exact same thing but I was pretty young when my parents died and I remember that it came a time when the accident was no longer the only, or even the foremost, thing on my mind but at the same time I still couldn't make it through the day without having **_something_** remind me of it... and I also remember how scary that was because I **_couldn't_** control it, because I didn't know when it was going to happen. In a way it felt worse --more overwhelming-- then than it had been at the beginning when the memories **_hadn't_** been unexpected."

"That's part of it, I guess, but there is also a sense of frustration because just as soon as I start allowing myself to believe that things are going back to normal I'm pushed back and reminded that that will never really happen, that one way or another Simarka will be with me until the day I die," she says, letting out a sigh.

"But your first kiss AT wasn't so bad?" I ask, trying to keep things in perspective.

"AT?"

"'After Turghan'... or we could go with AS for 'After Simarka'," I joke, in an attempt to keep the mood from turning morbid.

"Yeah, it wasn't so bad. In fact in a way it almost turned out to be a disappointment... though I'm not sure that's the right word for it. I mean, I'm not wishing it would have met my expectations because those were pretty scary but at the same time the truth is that I had built the whole thing into this huge milestone in my mind, into this hurdle I had to overcome somehow and then..."

"And then in the end it turned out to be just a kiss?" I ask, knowing better than to point out the fact that the word she is looking for is probably 'anticlimactic'.

"Exactly. I know it sounds silly but..."

"But after months of building it up in your mind the whole thing felt almost disappointingly normal?"

"Something like that. I don't know. I guess that, as stupid as it sounds, on a certain level I had almost managed to convince myself that once that first kiss was behind me I would be able to look at myself in the mirror and say 'there, it's all over with, life can go back to normal now' but now that it's finally happened I am being confronted with the fact that it wasn't that simple. That kiss made me realize that I really didn't feel any different or any better than I did before. It made me realize that the memories were still there in spite of everything and were most definitely **_not_** going anywhere. That was something I already knew on a rational level, of course, but I really couldn't help it. So I guess in the end you could say that the whole thing boils down to my own stupidity."

"Your own stupidity?" I repeat, not liking where this is going in the least.

"Well, yes. After all, I was the one who had managed to convince herself that being able to kiss someone without panicking would mean it was all over. I was the one who thought it would be something that would enable me to honestly say that the whole thing was behind me."

"Actually, Sam, I think that's called being human, not being stupid," I point out.

"It **_is_** being stupid when you know better. Of course, I admit that the whole thing with Janet probably contributed to building up my expectations in that regard."

"What thing with Janet?" I ask, trying to figure out what she means by that.

"She was pushing me to get back on the dating bandwagon the other day... in fact she was pretty adamant about it. I hadn't really given it much thought up until then, to tell you the truth," she explains.

"You didn't say anything."

"It's just that it didn't seem like a big deal, at least not at the time, but I haven't been able to get the idea out of my head since then and I think that contributed to making it **_seem_** like a big deal."

"And now that kiss is behind you."

"Yes, and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that that kiss is not only behind me but that it also turned out to be meaningless."

"I think you are being too hard on yourself."

"Don't coddle me, Daniel," she growls and I realize that maybe that **_wasn't_** the best way for me to phrase that.

"I'm not, I'm just saying that it was another step forward and as such it was far from meaningless... even if it was nowhere near as meaningful as you would have liked it to be," I explain, wondering if maybe I should be ducking for cover just about now.


	8. Chapter 8: The Long and Winding Road

**_For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1_**

Chapter 8: The Long and Winding Road  
(Sam's POV)

Okay, I freely admit that this is one of those instances in which I'm sorely tempted to strangle Daniel, just on the general principle. Sure, he's a great guy but I'm not used to having my every word dissected and analyzed to such an extent and that can be more than a little frustrating. Of course, in a way I also know that that's to be expected seeing how he's a linguist but that does nothing to change the fact that I'm used to formulas, equations, variables and numbers. That is **_my_** world and that's what causes me to feel at times like I'm totally out of my depth when talking to him... especially when he lets his inner linguist show.

The problem is that I'm not used to thinking of something as basic as speech as being a science. For me it's something I've been doing ever since I can remember, something I've always taken for granted, and at times it is hard for me to remember that that's not how he sees it, that for him words are so much more than that... and he's good with them, frighteningly good.

Of course, to make matters worse, words are not the only problem here. Others that are far more relevant are the ones having to do with the way in which he just doesn't miss or forget anything, to say nothing of the way in which he can connect the dots months after the facts. That is one lesson I learned the hard way when he figured out what had happened on Simarka. He certainly didn't need words then. He did that just by watching me sleep when he barely knew me, and that is more than a little disturbing.

In fact that is the reason why I sometimes find myself feeling almost wary around him: because I don't know what I may be letting slip, what he may be picking up on. To me words and gestures have always been just words and gestures, they allow me to say what I want to say --to convey my meaning-- but for him they are so much more than that. For Daniel words are his weapon of choice and that is what makes him so dangerous.

The thing is that, even though I'm not really keeping anything from him --at least not right now-- he still has that determined look on his face and this is **_not_** one battle I'm in the mood to fight. I don't want to spend two hours debating whether that kiss was meaningful, meaningless or something in between. As far as I'm concerned it just was... and yes, that's **_was_**, as in past tense, as in it's over and done with.

Of course, I have to admit that things haven't been all bad here and Daniel does have a point when he says that the fact that the way in which I handled Narim **_wasn't_** influenced by Turghan was a good thing. In fact that is something I hadn't even considered, but at the same time I have to say that that was not the most important element of this whole experience, not to me.

In fact in a way I think that is precisely the part Daniel is missing, the one that says that this was never just about me, that it wasn't even **_mostly_** about me. Sure, I'm not denying that being able to kiss Narim was a big step forward --that would be foolish-- but to me the most important thing happened long before that, when General Hammond asked me to talk to him in the first place.

I know that sounds almost irrelevant by comparison but it isn't.

I am well aware that having me talk to him wasn't the general's first choice, of course, and I also know he only did it because it was the only opening he could see and he had the higher ups breathing hard down his neck but the bottom line is that he did it. He did it in spite of the fact that he must have been aware of the nature of Narim's interest in me. That is definitely a good thing, especially because for weeks I had been wondering if he'd ever allow me to set foot within a hundred miles of a male alien --other than Teal'c-- without an escort of marines armed to the teeth.

In other words, the good news is that --even though I still bristle at the thought of being asked to use my 'womanly charms' to get information-- at least in that regard things seem to be going slowly back to normal and that is almost more than I had dared to hope for when the truth about Simarka first came out. In fact for a while there I was worried that the general was determined to 'keep me safe', especially because I am all too aware of just how unreasonable that would have been considering what we do, considering the fact that I'm supposed to be a soldier.

Of course, it's not just the general that seems to be all but resigned to the fact that one way or another I intend to keep doing my job and living my life. The colonel too seems to be coming along nicely in that regard... though that doesn't mean he wasn't glaring at Narim with everything he had. Luckily it seems like all that male posturing was totally alien to the Tollan so Narim never really picked up on the colonel's hostility though I can't help but worry about what our next mission is going to bring... and about whether or not all that posturing is going to end up getting my CO killed.

That is most definitely a concern. After all I am well aware that our trip to Tollan was a milk run but that won't necessarily be the case the next time around. I know that sooner or later the general is going to have no choice but to give us a real mission, one in which it won't be possible for the guys to keep obsessing over my safety, and that is going to be the real test, the one that will determine whether or not we can really hope to get over this... whether or not we can go back to being the team we used to be before Daniel started digging and asking questions about things that weren't any of his business because in the end that is what this whole thing boils down to.

Yes, I do realize that the fact that I wouldn't have handled the encounter with Narim any differently if Simarka hadn't happened is a big step forward but at the same time I am also well aware that Daniel not finding out about it wouldn't have changed anything either. Sure, knowing that I can trust my team, that I don't have to keep what happened a secret has been a huge relief but the bottom line is that it hasn't made that much of a difference, at least not when it comes to how I feel about any of this.

That is one of the things that have made these past few weeks so frustrating: the fact that even though I have been the focus of their attention --whether I want to or not-- the whole thing has been about **_them_** coming to terms with what happened to me, not about me.

I know that sounds incredibly selfish but that is mostly because I'm not sure of how to phrase it. It's not so much that I **_expected_** it to be about me but rather that the guys were convinced that it was and that definitely contributed to making these past three weeks so confusing. **_I'm_** doing fine but **_they_** are determined to help me... and the truth is that I don't need that help, though I can't quite bring myself to tell them that.

What I need, what I miss the most is the easy camaraderie we used to share, the trust. That is the part of my life I am itching to get back now, the one I didn't lose so much to Turghan as to Daniel's revelation... and that is the part I'm still not sure I'll ever be able to reclaim.

In a way that is ironic. Yes, things are still far from normal for me and I know I still have a hard road ahead of me but that is not the part I'm worried about. I could live all my life without going on another date or kissing another guy, but to live my whole life without being trusted by my teammates and without being able to set foot on another planet? That's the prospect I find to be utterly terrifying. I love what I do. I've finally managed to find a place where I belong, where I can be both a scientist and a soldier, where I can see and experience things I never thought possible, but in order to be able to keep doing that I must first regain my team's trust and --even though things are definitely going better in that regard-- I know we still have a very long way to go.

* * *

**_Author's notes:_** Hi guys, okay, that's it for _What Passes for Normal_ and that means that there's just one more ficlet to go in this universe. I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for sticking with me, especially because I know that this series has been going on for way too long. Hopefully I'll be able to get the first chapter of the final story posted next week (yes, for once I think I have enough of a head start to do that without leaving a week in between).

Finally there's also the matter of credit where credit is due: the title for this particular chapter was borrowed from the Beatles (in case anyone didn't know that).

Once again, thanks for sticking with me, I really appreciate it,

Alec


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